Awkward post-exhibition feelings revealed

We made an exhibition called ARTEFACT. It was successful! We had lots of visitors, and great feedback.

Once it was open, I experienced some weird feelings. This post is about them. I will make another post about the show which WAS VERY COOL.

All the artists made great work, really got into it and had a bit of fun together in the process (win, win, win). I made some prints that I really liked, were affordable and hoped I'd sell some (they didn't sell). My smaller work got lost on a big wall. I think the work was strong but I did not fully resolve the display. It needed really good lighting. Actually, everything I make seems to need really good lighting. Remember this.

I spoke to the room of 70 people about the show. Afterwards, I couldn't enjoy myself. I felt very, very exposed. I need to figure out why.

The show was my idea. It was successful because of the art that people made for it. But I wanted to take credit for the idea and I didn't openly do that. Early on in my career in Communications I was told (by someone who was jealous and bitter, it turns out) not to take credit for a film project that I managed and slogged hard over. It hurt my feelings and made me feel ashamed for asking to be acknowledged. In his opinion, it was part of my job so I did not need to be named on the credits. Anonymous cog in the machine. Is this what as been eating me up about the show? This concept was part of my creative practice, but I lacked the skill and confidence to claim at is such.

Or is it imposter syndrome? I made art that referenced our village's history, but I am an incomer! I am not a part of the fabric of this place. I am upon it like a water bead, prone to rolling off at any moment. In making a show about belonging, I made myself feel more distant. Our intentions don't always match the reality.

I haven't made new work since August. And when I've thought about what to do next, I imagine making work that isn't bound by concept and context. Nice-looking things that I can hide behind.

Artists; have you ever felt uncomfortable about a show or work you've put up for public display? Talk to me.

I know we are all hyper-critical of our output, so I will finish be reiterating that there were many great things about this project. I just wanted to try and unpack some of the weirdness I felt; it might be useful for next time.

Read about ARTEFACT: oxfordgallery.org.nz/exhibitions