Natalie

I've been working on something for Living Portraits, a community art show.

Faces are not my usual subject matter, although my creative journey began with them at the centre. I had an incredible two years studying painting and drawing at FE College (Polytech) in England. This time is alive; treasured within, like a jewel. I was immersed in it. Life drawing for two hours every single week (!). And painting. Trying to grasp painting! The smell of it. The audacity of spending weeks on a painting. I don’t think I ever finished any of them, but I was 16 and enthralled with studio life. I wanted it forever.

At college, drawing was instilled in me as unquestionable. Regardless of the direction your work went in, drawing mattered. It wasn't just an essential tool in the box, it was the very fabric of the toolbox itself. Every work I make now has its foundation in drawing.

So. A portrait.

I want it to speak my language, which is restrained and graphic. It conceals and reveals. It isn't usually interested in giving you the whole picture. How do I make a portrait within that?

The person I chose is a friend I haven’t seen in person for years, although we have continued our connection through WhatsApp and occasional parcels and letters. I haven't seen her in person for a very long time. The first time I met Natalie, though, she made an impression on me. She has warmth and intensity in equal measure. The friendship ignited with ease. This kind of connection, in my life, has been rare. Apart from a photograph, being around her only exists in my memory now; distant and hazy. The distance helps her portrait to exist in my visual language.

The warm-up sketches were creaky, laboured and exploratory. Some revealed potential, others only narrowly escaped being torn up, and some were both at the same time. The images below show some of the stages along the way. I'm not all that comfortable sharing them, but all of them led me to the final piece, which I'll share when it's ready.

You have to work through what you don't want to land on the work.